“Loving & Leaving ED”(eating disorder)

For more information and booking inquiries please visit http://www.lovingandleavinged.com


“Loving and Leaving ED”(eating disorder)

“Loving and Leaving ED”(eating disorder)

— Read on mylovingandleavinged.wordpress.com/2018/02/15/loving-and-leaving-edeating-disorder/

Niki Policelli 

Niki Policelli is the Writer, Producer, and Performer of her own one-woman show titled, “Loving & Leaving Ed”(eating disorder).She is also the Co-Writer & Singer of two beautiful songs , Red Carpet Drive & Blue Rain. 
Her musical – tells her story, of how she battled, and finally defeated “ED”, her eating disorder.
Her songs – were written together to tell both sides of her story. 
Red Carpet Drive was written during a very difficult time mentally, and physically. 
Blue Rain , written to express that freedom, peace, and recovery is possible with patience and perseverance. 
When interviewed about the purpose behind Nikki’s art, she had this to say:
“I read through, and follow the accounts of thousands of people struggling with their demons and I have this overwhelming need to help, but life did not lead me towards becoming a doctor or a therapist. My path led me towards music with a gift of writing and singing.
I use this gift to connect and encourage those who need help because I’ve been there and I have beat this. That’s why I wrote two songs that express where I was, and where I am now. I want anyone who feels alone to hear my voice, and know that I deeply care for them and relate; no matter what side of it they are on.”
Nikki’s performance is a perfect compliment to any event supporting mental health initiatives.
For agent inquiries, or to book Nikki

please contact


My Eating Disorder VS My Songs…Red Carpet Drive & Blue Rain

I remember myself at 7 years old,

Sitting alone in my backyard with my book and pen, day dreaming,  songwriting, and making up tunes. Somehow in my heart I always knew I would get here, singing my songs for you. I  didn’t know how, but I just knew, it was a calling .

I was seven but I could clearly see the stage, the microphones, musicians and the people’s faces. It is as clear as day in my memory.

I’m a grown woman now and still pursuing  this after 30 plus years. They say you know it’s a true calling on your life when you’ve never let the feelings go. My dreams are ageless and nothing of this world has taken them away from me.

It’s the in between, then and now, that took a while. My dreams and ambitions stifled. Put on the back burner as I battled my demons.  Although, I have learned, that the work has to be done in you, before you can go out there and hope to be a blessing to others.

I was distracted by “Ed ” my eating disorder, for most of my life.  

I met him in grade four, 

the day my teacher told me I could no longer wear my gym shorts because they were tight and the boys were laughing.

 Ed encouraged me to go on a diet. I didn’t listen to him at that age. It would be later on- like when every comment ever made about me was about my weight. 

 It was the day I gave up playing my cello because we had to wear pants in class, and only skirts fit my body. 

It was the night of prom. No dress that fit, no date that asked,

 Home alone with Ed.

Ed was always screaming at me to lose weight. That’s when it all started, the day I gave in to him.  The dieting the excersise the pills and scales. 

The day I lost myself,  was the day I began hardcore dieting with Ed, my faithful companion. 

He told me No one would ever want to see a fat singer. That before I would even attempt performing, I would follow his rules.

Go to bed hungry, dream hungry, wake up hungry.

The world would care more about my image and appearance than my songs and script.

Starving worked, I got skinny initially, and spent thirty years fighting food to stay that way, but where did my dreams fit in? How could I ever focus on them when I never felt good enough.

Diet and hunger was painful 

Binge eating was painful 

Over excersing and purging was painful,

so when did I feel good???  

Almost never! I managed and coped in life but I felt depressed and alone.

Every day getting dressed felt like I was putting a costume on. Like my life was a  “red carpet” that I had to walk down in perfect posture, perfect smile, and figure. That meant putting the big mess inside of me away, while people were around, and then going home to Ed at night. I needed him now. 

My dreams were too exhausting to pursue, I never felt worthy and I was beat up inside. Every time I tried to pursue my music and got rejected, Ed always told me it was because of my size. That I was dumpy on stage, I just didn’t look right.  

 Somehow I found the courage to fight for myself and identified my needs against Eds needs. I found a book titled Never Binge Again by Glen Livingston, it changed my life.

Ed didn’t like  this but I kept fighting for me!

If you read my previous blog –

three meals a day

You  will know what worked for me personally and how I recovered. 

I established a food plan that didn’t starve or hurt me. I chose it, committed to it and protected it with all my might! 

Fast forward to now…. I’m finally releasing my two songs!!!! That took me thirty years to write lol

Red carpet drive is the song about where I was …

Blue Rain is the song about where I am now.

I have recovered and I am not allowing those years and painful memories to be considered a waste of time. Every hurt, pain rejection and triumph went into my songs. My heart blown wide open because I defeated the biggest monster you can imagine!  A Fire breathing dragon that fought me tooth and nail, larger than me, larger than life and I WON!!!!!

I need to share this with you. I need to let the world know that I’m a winner and my songs prove it! 

Ed did not take my dreams away. Nothing of this world could take my dreams away and I know I’m my soul there is a need in the world for them.

In Red Carpet Drive I acknowledge perfectionism is as much of an illness as any other, I admit, express it and let it go.

And  by sharing it, I feel it will be the last time I suffer alone. 

Blue rain 

Was promising myself a full recovery.  Rising  above the fears and doubts.

 The peaceful relationship I have with myself, my food, my dreams and my body. Spirit and higher power. 

It’s calling to mind what my heart is dreaming for and going for it. Not afraid of judgement or rejection. 
I put myself out there even though ed told me I couldn’t!

I did it for me!

I made a promise to myself and I kept it!!!!!

What are you promising yourself?

To download my songs or learn more please visit 


Love Niki 

Red Carpet Drive 

My songs, Blue Rain, and Red Carpet Drive Are SET TO BE RELEASED OCTOBER 1 2017

Two songs that I have co-written with Peter Rosetti. Written together,  they encompass both sides of the story-  from the pain and solace, to the peace I have found…..


“Red Carpet Drive” is a song about an ending. An ending to striving for perfection. the “drive to be “red carpet ” ready.  It was written on the lowest night of my life. I was consumed by an eating disorder and fuelled by perfectionism that had completely taken over. It was taking away my life, my husband, my work, it was confusing my kids and taking over my body and mind. Any person dealing with an addiction or disorder becomes a master at hiding it, so much so that we create two lives that tragically coexist; the person we really are and the actor we portray. Like an actor, we walk down that red carpet that is our life, with perfect posture, a perfect smile, while giving the impression that we have it all together, that we are living a perfect life. However the real me was suffering and couldn’t admit it. By the time I admitted I needed help, no one took me seriously because I had fooled them all. I realized perfectionism was just as much an illness as any other and I needed to acknowledge, admit and let it go.
This song describes how admitting it to myself and others would make it the last time I would suffer this alone. My life is not a red carpet and I’ve let go of the drive to be red carpet ready.
There is only one me. The real me.

To learn more about Niki Policelli please visit


Blue Rain

My songs, Blue Rain, and Red Carpet Drive are SET TO BE RELEASED OCTOBER 1 2017

Two songs that I have  co-written with Peter Rossetti.  Written together as a way of encompassing my whole story –  from the pain and solace, to the peace I have found…..


Most stories finish with an ending but mine finishes with a beginning. When I stepped away from the “red carpet drive” I made promises to myself and I kept them. 

Promises that I would do anything I had to to do to recover. I promised to see progress, not perfection, that I would make peace with food and feed myself lovingly, I promised I would catch up to my dreams – dreams of writing and performing my songs. I spent my life stifling that dream down so far that I almost lost it.

Blue rain is a song about a healthy state of mind and a heart full of hope; a promise to never give up on yourself and a reminder that you don’t need to try so hard.
I hope these lyrics make you pause, maybe look up to the sky, and take a minute out of your day to dream and to believe it could happen to you. 
I made promises to myself and kept them,
that’s what “blue rain” means to me, what is your promise to yourself?

To listen to and learn more about Nikki Policelli please visit


Love, Nikki