Niki Policelli 

Niki Policelli is the Writer, Producer, and Performer of her own one-woman show titled, “Loving & Leaving Ed”(eating disorder).She is also the Co-Writer & Singer of two beautiful songs , Red Carpet Drive & Blue Rain. 
Her musical – tells her story, of how she battled, and finally defeated “ED”, her eating disorder.
Her songs – were written together to tell both sides of her story. 
Red Carpet Drive was written during a very difficult time mentally, and physically. 
Blue Rain , written to express that freedom, peace, and recovery is possible with patience and perseverance. 
When interviewed about the purpose behind Nikki’s art, she had this to say:
“I read through, and follow the accounts of thousands of people struggling with their demons and I have this overwhelming need to help, but life did not lead me towards becoming a doctor or a therapist. My path led me towards music with a gift of writing and singing.
I use this gift to connect and encourage those who need help because I’ve been there and I have beat this. That’s why I wrote two songs that express where I was, and where I am now. I want anyone who feels alone to hear my voice, and know that I deeply care for them and relate; no matter what side of it they are on.”
Nikki’s performance is a perfect compliment to any event supporting mental health initiatives.
For agent inquiries, or to book Nikki

please contact

nikkipolicelli@hotmail.com

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My Eating Disorder VS My Songs…Red Carpet Drive & Blue Rain

I remember myself at 7 years old,

Sitting alone in my backyard with my book and pen, day dreaming,  songwriting, and making up tunes. Somehow in my heart I always knew I would get here, singing my songs for you. I  didn’t know how, but I just knew, it was a calling .

I was seven but I could clearly see the stage, the microphones, musicians and the people’s faces. It is as clear as day in my memory.

I’m a grown woman now and still pursuing  this after 30 plus years. They say you know it’s a true calling on your life when you’ve never let the feelings go. My dreams are ageless and nothing of this world has taken them away from me.

It’s the in between, then and now, that took a while. My dreams and ambitions stifled. Put on the back burner as I battled my demons.  Although, I have learned, that the work has to be done in you, before you can go out there and hope to be a blessing to others.

I was distracted by “Ed ” my eating disorder, for most of my life.  

I met him in grade four, 

the day my teacher told me I could no longer wear my gym shorts because they were tight and the boys were laughing.

 Ed encouraged me to go on a diet. I didn’t listen to him at that age. It would be later on- like when every comment ever made about me was about my weight. 

 It was the day I gave up playing my cello because we had to wear pants in class, and only skirts fit my body. 

It was the night of prom. No dress that fit, no date that asked,

 Home alone with Ed.

Ed was always screaming at me to lose weight. That’s when it all started, the day I gave in to him.  The dieting the excersise the pills and scales. 

The day I lost myself,  was the day I began hardcore dieting with Ed, my faithful companion. 

He told me No one would ever want to see a fat singer. That before I would even attempt performing, I would follow his rules.

Go to bed hungry, dream hungry, wake up hungry.

The world would care more about my image and appearance than my songs and script.

Starving worked, I got skinny initially, and spent thirty years fighting food to stay that way, but where did my dreams fit in? How could I ever focus on them when I never felt good enough.

Diet and hunger was painful 

Binge eating was painful 

Over excersing and purging was painful,

so when did I feel good???  

Almost never! I managed and coped in life but I felt depressed and alone.

Every day getting dressed felt like I was putting a costume on. Like my life was a  “red carpet” that I had to walk down in perfect posture, perfect smile, and figure. That meant putting the big mess inside of me away, while people were around, and then going home to Ed at night. I needed him now. 

My dreams were too exhausting to pursue, I never felt worthy and I was beat up inside. Every time I tried to pursue my music and got rejected, Ed always told me it was because of my size. That I was dumpy on stage, I just didn’t look right.  

 Somehow I found the courage to fight for myself and identified my needs against Eds needs. I found a book titled Never Binge Again by Glen Livingston, it changed my life.

Ed didn’t like  this but I kept fighting for me!

If you read my previous blog –

three meals a day

You  will know what worked for me personally and how I recovered. 

I established a food plan that didn’t starve or hurt me. I chose it, committed to it and protected it with all my might! 

Fast forward to now…. I’m finally releasing my two songs!!!! That took me thirty years to write lol

Red carpet drive is the song about where I was …

Blue Rain is the song about where I am now.

I have recovered and I am not allowing those years and painful memories to be considered a waste of time. Every hurt, pain rejection and triumph went into my songs. My heart blown wide open because I defeated the biggest monster you can imagine!  A Fire breathing dragon that fought me tooth and nail, larger than me, larger than life and I WON!!!!!

I need to share this with you. I need to let the world know that I’m a winner and my songs prove it! 

Ed did not take my dreams away. Nothing of this world could take my dreams away and I know I’m my soul there is a need in the world for them.

In Red Carpet Drive I acknowledge perfectionism is as much of an illness as any other, I admit, express it and let it go.

And  by sharing it, I feel it will be the last time I suffer alone. 

Blue rain 

Was promising myself a full recovery.  Rising  above the fears and doubts.

 The peaceful relationship I have with myself, my food, my dreams and my body. Spirit and higher power. 

It’s calling to mind what my heart is dreaming for and going for it. Not afraid of judgement or rejection. 
I put myself out there even though ed told me I couldn’t!

I did it for me!

I made a promise to myself and I kept it!!!!!

What are you promising yourself?

To download my songs or learn more please visit 

Lovingandleavinged.com

Love Niki 

Red Carpet Drive 

My songs, Blue Rain, and Red Carpet Drive Are SET TO BE RELEASED OCTOBER 1 2017

Two songs that I have co-written with Peter Rosetti. Written together,  they encompass both sides of the story-  from the pain and solace, to the peace I have found…..

RED CARPET DRIVE 

“Red Carpet Drive” is a song about an ending. An ending to striving for perfection. the “drive to be “red carpet ” ready.  It was written on the lowest night of my life. I was consumed by an eating disorder and fuelled by perfectionism that had completely taken over. It was taking away my life, my husband, my work, it was confusing my kids and taking over my body and mind. Any person dealing with an addiction or disorder becomes a master at hiding it, so much so that we create two lives that tragically coexist; the person we really are and the actor we portray. Like an actor, we walk down that red carpet that is our life, with perfect posture, a perfect smile, while giving the impression that we have it all together, that we are living a perfect life. However the real me was suffering and couldn’t admit it. By the time I admitted I needed help, no one took me seriously because I had fooled them all. I realized perfectionism was just as much an illness as any other and I needed to acknowledge, admit and let it go.
This song describes how admitting it to myself and others would make it the last time I would suffer this alone. My life is not a red carpet and I’ve let go of the drive to be red carpet ready.
There is only one me. The real me.

To learn more about Niki Policelli please visit

Lovingandleavinged.com

Blue Rain

My songs, Blue Rain, and Red Carpet Drive are SET TO BE RELEASED OCTOBER 1 2017

Two songs that I have  co-written with Peter Rossetti.  Written together as a way of encompassing my whole story –  from the pain and solace, to the peace I have found…..

BLUE RAIN 

Most stories finish with an ending but mine finishes with a beginning. When I stepped away from the “red carpet drive” I made promises to myself and I kept them. 

Promises that I would do anything I had to to do to recover. I promised to see progress, not perfection, that I would make peace with food and feed myself lovingly, I promised I would catch up to my dreams – dreams of writing and performing my songs. I spent my life stifling that dream down so far that I almost lost it.

Blue rain is a song about a healthy state of mind and a heart full of hope; a promise to never give up on yourself and a reminder that you don’t need to try so hard.
I hope these lyrics make you pause, maybe look up to the sky, and take a minute out of your day to dream and to believe it could happen to you. 
I made promises to myself and kept them,
that’s what “blue rain” means to me, what is your promise to yourself?

To listen to and learn more about Nikki Policelli please visit

Lovingandleavinged.com

Love, Nikki 

A poem about “ED” (eating disorder)  written by Niki Policelli

I remember playing dress up

Alone in my room

My big shiny microphone

was actually a broom

I wore makeup and dresses

And lit up the stage

I had very bold dreams

At a very young age

After years of daydreaming

Something started to change

I looked in the mirror

And felt so ashamed

I began this new friendship with

A voice I named ED

A friend and a bully

I let live in my head

He spoke about diets

Tape measures and scales

He said “you shouldn’t sing,

If you look like a whale ”

I dieted for years

Trying to wipe myself out

That is exactly

What my shows were about

Self loathing and hiding

For years upon years

Me standing on stage

Was me facing my fears

People critiqued

They thought that I shouldn’t

but I had to because

ED told me I couldn’t

Some understood

Some really did not

But approval from others

Is not what I want

I want to express something

Tested and true

Follow your heart

Do it for you

You have a gift

Give it life do it well

Don’t let YOUR ED

Hide you in his hell

I wrote a few songs

That’s my victory Lap

I no longer worry

Who will be there to clap

For I owed it to show up

For that little girl

That ED tried to bury

And hide from the world

This one song will take you

To purpose through pain

It’s my happy ending

I call it

BLUE RAIN…..

I know who “ED” is for me,

Who is “ED” for you???

Lovingandleavinged.com

-Niki 

(Blue Rain to be released in October )

3 0 1 – Three meals a day…

3 0 1

Three meals a day

Nothing in between

One day at a time.

This concept has completely cured my binge eating disorder.

Before you read on, please know that I fully acknowledge that what has worked for me may not work for you, however, I have been asked repeatedly to share my experience in dealing with binge eating, so I am only sharing what I have found helpful to me. I do hope there is something here that you will find helpful in any way.

True recovery began the day I found a book titled 

Never Binge Again 

by Glen Livingston. 

It was a game changer, lifesaver for me.

I didn’t know how to eat like a normal person.

I was either eating clean and perfectly following my diet or I was eating “dirty” and binge eating until I was physically sick- always vowing to start again tomorrow.

I was good or I was bad.

Therapists insisted I stop dieting, because it was the restrictions that lead to deprivation which lead to the binging which fuelled the need to diet and restrict.

A complete diet trap!

but how could I Stop dieting?

Not being in control meant completely falling apart, getting into the food which meant gaining weight!

It was a trap that was robbing me of my entire life.

I was introduced to the idea of eating three meals a day  with no snacks, nothing in between.

No rules, no cutting food groups or favourites. No calorie counting- no stress!

The idea felt foreign to me but I had to try it, so I did, and my entire life changed.

I feel in control because I have a boundary and realize this is a food plan – a spiritual tool of recovery

Not a diet!

I promised myself I would give this a chance.

Not to lose weight or alter my physical appearance, but so that I could learn to eat like a normal person. I thought eating normally was a complete impossibility. I thought I would gain a ton of weight and lose myself completely without my diet!

I’m very proud to say my weight is healthy and stable and I have the most amazing relationship with food now.

My boundaries and thought process ?

I eat three meals a day nothing in between

I allow 4-5 hours between meals

I do not restrict

There is no good or bad food

Which means there is nothing to cheat on or break

I eat intuitively

I do not allow my self to get full

I feed myself lovingly choosing wisely in every meal

I figure I only have three meals a day to worry about

With four to five hours between meals I feel my body has time to digest and utilize my food as fuel until my next meal

I honour my hunger and fullness being mindful of how much I need to feel satisfied without getting uncomfortable or full

everyday my needs are different and i honour that that fact also

I ask myself at every meal what I truly want and need and eat a portion of that in a way that satisfies me comfortably

im very mindful to be active and get little bursts of activity between meals which makes me feel that I’m utilizing the calories, using up the fuel until my next meal

Now, I’m no longer a yo yo

Up and down

Good or bad

Fat or skinny

Binging or recovering

I am the same every day

there is no good or bad food

It’s just renewing my mind at every meal

I use excersise as a form of self care knowing that I’ve done something great for myself and my mind and body.

Knowing it helps to balance and control my moods and caloric intake without obsessing over numbers!

three meals a day

nothing in between

one day at a time

This concept has helped me control my weight, cleared up my skin and completely stabilized my life!

I love my food

I accept my body and my natural weight

I love my excersise and I love my life!

I’m in control of my food plan

the food does not control me

I will never binge again

I made that promise to myself and I kept it!

I hope this helps anyone who needs this today!

Lovingandleavinged.com

Niki