Now Accepting Bookings into 2021

Dear Principals, Teachers and Councillors,

It’s been an incredible year for my musical, Loving & Leaving ED.™ with the opportunity to perform for audience members throughout the GTA to outstanding reviews and feedback. 

In 2021, I’d like to make this opportunity available to your students.

Did you know that estimates indicate that 1 in every 4 Canadian teenagers battles with disordered eating?

Based on my own personal experience, Loving & Leaving ED.™  depicts the lonely struggle of my eating disorder and it’s one that many of your  students face today – depression, anxiety, bullying and low self-worth. It offers hope and guidance for a path that moves toward positive self talk, courage, self-respect and community.

The music and dialogue enable an interesting, creative and innovative way to tackle an uncomfortable and painful subject. Approachable, yet highly impactful, it also features valuable and professional resources that students contact post performance.

Book your spot for 2021 and give a student an opportunity to experience an event that could truly change his/her life.

Attached please find more information and I encourage you to reach out to me directly. I hope to hear from you.

Sincerely,

Niki Policelli

905.580.6425

www.lovingandleavinged.com

nikkipolicelli@hotmail.com

Dear teachers, principals and school boards….

Dear Teachers, Principals and School Boards…

As you are probably aware, it is estimated that one out of every four Canadian teenagers has an eating disorder. That means in a typical-sized Peel school, close to 300 students struggle with a dangerous mental health issue that they might not have the tools to battle alone. To remedy this, I have created an educational presentation that takes a different approach to addressing the subject of mental health, with a specific focus on eating disorders and body image issues.

This 45-minute musical presentation is designed to be thought-provoking, relatable and, more importantly – to give students guidance on how to get the help they need. I hope we can work together to provide outreach to our youth, and our community, through the school system.

I am available for booking for the 2018/2019 school year

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Email: nikkipolicelli@hotmail.com

Website:

Lovingandleavinged.com

Me vs ED.

I remember my 7 year old self,

Sitting alone in my backyard, with my book and pen, day dreaming,  songwriting, and making up tunes. Somehow in my heart I always knew I would someday be singing my songs for you. I  didn’t know how, but I just knew, it was a calling .

I was so young but I could see it clearly. The stage, the microphones, musicians and the people’s faces smiling and sharing it all with me.

30 years later and I’m still pursuing my dreams.

They say you know it’s a true calling on your life when you’ve never let the feelings go. My dreams are ageless and nothing of this world has taken them away from me.

It’s the in between, then and now, that took a while. My dreams and ambitions stifled. Put on the back burner as I battled my demons.  Although, I have learned, that the work has to be done in you, before you can go out there and hope to be a blessing to others.

I was distracted by “Ed ” my eating disorder, for most of my life.

I met him in grade four,

the day my teacher told me I could no longer wear my gym shorts because they were tight and the boys were laughing.

Ed encouraged me to go on a diet. I didn’t listen to him at that age. It would be later on- like when every comment ever made about me was about my weight.

It was the day I gave up playing my cello because we had to wear pants in class, and only skirts fit my body.

It was the night of prom. No dress that fit, no date that asked,

Home alone with Ed.

Ed was always screaming at me to lose weight. That’s when it all started, the day I gave in to him.  The dieting the excersise the pills and scales.

The day I lost myself,  was the day I began hardcore dieting with Ed, my faithful companion.

He told me No one would ever want to see a fat singer. That before I would even attempt performing, I would follow his rules.

Go to bed hungry, dream hungry, wake up hungry.

The world would care more about my image and appearance than my songs and script.

Starving worked, I got skinny initially, and spent thirty years fighting food to stay that way, but where did my dreams fit in? How could I ever focus on them when I never felt good enough.

Diet and hunger was painful

Binge eating was painful

Over excersing and purging was painful,

so when did I feel good???

Almost never! I managed and coped in life but I felt depressed and alone.

Every day getting dressed felt like I was putting a costume on. Like my life was a  “red carpet” that I had to walk down in perfect posture, perfect smile, and figure. That meant putting the big mess inside of me away, while people were around, and then going home to Ed at night. I needed him now.

My dreams were too exhausting to pursue, I never felt worthy and I was beat up inside. Every time I tried to pursue my music and got rejected, Ed always told me it was because of my size. That I was dumpy on stage, I just didn’t look right.

Somehow I found the courage to fight for myself and identified my needs against Eds needs. I found a book titled Never Binge Again by Glen Livingston, it changed my life.

Ed didn’t like  this but I kept fighting for me!

If you read my previous blog –

three meals a day

You  will know what worked for me personally and how I recovered.

I established a food plan that didn’t starve or hurt me. I chose it, committed to it and protected it with all my might!

Fast forward to now…. I’m finally releasing my two songs!!!! That took me thirty years to write lol

Red carpet drive is the song about where I was …

Blue Rain is the song about where I am now.

I have recovered and I am not allowing those years and painful memories to be considered a waste of time. Every hurt, pain rejection and triumph went into my songs. My heart blown wide open because I defeated the biggest monster you can imagine!  A Fire breathing dragon that fought me tooth and nail, larger than me, larger than life and I WON!!!!!

I need to share this with you. I need to let the world know that I’m a winner and my songs prove it!

Ed did not take my dreams away. Nothing of this world could take my dreams away and I know I’m my soul there is a need in the world for them.

In Red Carpet Drive I acknowledge perfectionism is as much of an illness as any other, I admit, express it and let it go.

And  by sharing it, I feel it will be the last time I suffer alone.

Blue rain

Was promising myself a full recovery.  Rising  above the fears and doubts.

The peaceful relationship I have with myself, my food, my dreams and my body. Spirit and higher power.

It’s calling to mind what my heart is dreaming for and going for it. Not afraid of judgement or rejection.
I put myself out there even though ed told me I couldn’t!

I did it for me!

I made a promise to myself and I kept it!!!!!

What are you promising yourself?

To download my songs or learn more please visit

Lovingandleavinged.com

Love Niki

Red Carpet Drive 

RED CARPET DRIVE

“Red Carpet Drive” is a song about an ending. An ending to striving for perfection. the “drive to be “red carpet ” ready.  It was written on the lowest night of my life. I was consumed by an eating disorder and fuelled by perfectionism that had completely taken over. It was taking away my life, my husband, my work, it was confusing my kids and taking over my body and mind. Any person dealing with an addiction or disorder becomes a master at hiding it, so much so that we create two lives that tragically coexist; the person we really are and the actor we portray. Like an actor, we walk down that red carpet that is our life, with perfect posture, a perfect smile, while giving the impression that we have it all together, that we are living a perfect life. However the real me was suffering and couldn’t admit it. By the time I admitted I needed help, no one took me seriously because I had fooled them all. I realized perfectionism was just as much an illness as any other and I needed to acknowledge, admit and let it go.
This song describes how admitting it to myself and others would make it the last time I would suffer this alone. My life is not a red carpet and I’ve let go of the drive to be red carpet ready.
There is only one me. The real me.

To learn more about Niki Policelli please visit

Lovingandleavinged.com

Blue Rain

BLUE RAIN

Most stories finish with an ending but mine finishes with a beginning.

When I stepped away from the “red carpet drive” I made promises to myself and I kept them.

Promises that I would do anything I had to to do to recover from my eating disorder.

I promised to see progress, not perfection,

that I would make peace with food and feed myself lovingly.

I promised I would catch up to my dreams – dreams of writing and performing my songs. I spent my life stifling that dream down so far that I almost lost it.

Blue rain is a song about a healthy state of mind, recovery , mental health, and a heart full of hope; a promise to never give up on yourself and a reminder that you don’t need to try so hard.

Do these lyrics make you pause, maybe look up to the sky, and take a minute out of your day to dream and to believe it could happen to you?

I made promises to myself and kept them,
that’s what “blue rain” means to me,

what is your promise to yourself?

To listen to and learn more about Nikki Policelli please visit

Lovingandleavinged.com

Love, Niki